Three Dynamics That Shape Your Marriage

 Email Article  

Tweet  

Many individuals find it difficult to be in a marital relationship. Instead of experiencing companionship, joy, trust and safety, they are overcome by anger, insecurity, and loneliness. The question is why? In most cases, it is because the relationship is lacking in one of three main dynamics: respect, emotional health, and realistic expectations. When these three essential dynamics are functioning well, the relationship will flourish. If something is missing, the relationship will suffer.

Let's review these three dynamics in more detail.

1) Respect

Respect is the cornerstone of a loving relationship. A strong, healthy relationship requires equal partners. One member of the relationship cannot "rule the roost." Rather, the two individuals must support one another. The following are a few tips to improve your behaviour and become more respectful of your spouse:

• Gentleness of speech: use soft vocal tones and avoid criticism and anger.

• Loyalty: it is important that you support your spouse above anyone else. This commitment to loyalty should be acted upon both in speech and deed.

• Practice democratic decision making: both husband and wife should have equal say when it comes to making decisions in a relationship.

2) Personal Emotional Health

Getting married doesn't automatically mean that you are emotionally ready to become a husband or a wife. The act of marriage is just that – a symbolic celebration. The real meat and potatoes of marriage begins once the celebration ends. For example, imagine a child who has grown up in an abusive household. The year's of torment have left deep psychological wounds on the individual. The act of marriage will not heal these wounds. This individual needs additional emotional support in order to engage in a full and healthy relationship.

When an individual is afflicted with this sort of emotional baggage, it is critical that they seek help in order to avoid future pain and disappointment. Some solutions for repairing these childhood pains are:

1. Reading self help books

2. Observing healthy families. Spend time with families that embody a healthy, happy lifestyle. Try to learn from their example.

3. Receive professional help from a trained therapist.

3) Realistic Expectations
Creating a healthy family requires the successful transition from one developmental stage to another. Unfortunately, transitioning between these can cause hardships for individuals because people fail to have realistic expectations of their partner. For example, believing that your spouse will have the same level of passion 20 years into a marriage as they did two years in is unrealistic. While it is certainly reasonable to make increased intimacy a goal in your relationship, it shouldn't be confused with demands or entitlement.

Some helpful ideas to aid in your development of realistic goals are as follows:

1. Better understand the stages of family development. These include courtship, marriage (commitment), living together, getting to know each other, producing children, raising children, being together after the children have left home, and growing old together.

2. Seek advice from couples who have already been through a similar situation.

3. Consult with a professional marriage counsellor.

It's important to note that these three dynamics are interrelated. For example, someone with poor emotional health could find it difficult to respect their partner fully. By learning and working on all three of these dimensions, you will find that your relationship has a more realistic change of flourishing.